P.S. I can't hear my feet
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize
