My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Randomize
