We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Randomize
