Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
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