we were pretty classy up until the second keg
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
