My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
My pussy is not your playground.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
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