Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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