My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
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