there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
