I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
