did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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