how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Randomize
