I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Randomize
