I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Randomize
