grandma shit on top of the toilet
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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