I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
