The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
