he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Randomize
