I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Randomize
