I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
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