This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
Moan for me like Helen Keller
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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