I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Randomize
