you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
