The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize