After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Randomize
