i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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