I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Randomize
