If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Randomize
