Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
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