if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
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