I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
