You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
