he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
