Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Randomize
