u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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