Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
