The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
