Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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