i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
she smelled like a LAN party
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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