Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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