Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
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