I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
