I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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