I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Randomize
