I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
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