Umm I'm too high to move.
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
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