Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
she peed on how many people?
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Randomize
