Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
this boner is exhausting
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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