Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
