It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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