I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
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