M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Help. Why am I so naked?
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