im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Randomize
