they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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