so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
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