I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
I could fuck to npr.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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