why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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