wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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