Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
try to milk me bitch
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
