What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
Randomize
