my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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