I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
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