please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
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