I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
