this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
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