Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Randomize
