At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Randomize
