Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize
