it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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